There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
