I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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