My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
