Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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