All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
