He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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