Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
