I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize