return my video game
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
it's great music for shaving your balls
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
