"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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