did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
