i love accidental penises.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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