so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
