would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
