Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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