I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
