i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There was a lot of him and a little penis
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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