i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
