oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
