so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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