Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize