The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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