I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
