I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
