When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
