don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
