She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
