So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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