The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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