She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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