i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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