Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
