lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
