does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
