She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Randomize
