So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
