Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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