haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
