I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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