remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize