There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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