Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
