Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
