Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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