Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
