remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
