Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize