Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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