That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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