i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize