twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
