He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize