i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
