She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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