i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
