I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
