My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize