he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
