...so i touched it.
I puked a lego.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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