In America we eat man semen.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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