There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so let's talk penis.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
