I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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