your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize