I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
