Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
