my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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