dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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