As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
