Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
