I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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