I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
