Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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