Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
