woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
