Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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