i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
should my penis look like a turkey
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
