To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
