HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
