Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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