non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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