If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Less talking, more tequila
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
