Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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