she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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