my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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