Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
