If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
