Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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