i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
