Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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