she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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