i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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