So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize