It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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