My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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