Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
