Tell her she can't have a vagina
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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