I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
