Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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