in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
