Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
