Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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