I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
