what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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