Kiss
Puke
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
