can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
