Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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