so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
