I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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