# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
