She is in my trunk
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
