walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
